Can you review my poem? it is called "People".?

do you like my poem? It is called "People"?


can i get some feedback on the form, structure and devices used? thanks.





People





people standing


people walking


people staring into space


people carrying


people eating


people running a race





people waiting


people wandering


people dreaming of their own perfect world


people conquering


people gorging


people beating people home





people sleeping


people tired


people wanting more


people empty


people fat


people better than the one next-door





people.

Can you review my poem? it is called "People".?
I think you need to structure your poem so the word 'people' only appears a few times. Perhaps at the beginning of each stanza, or alternating lines.





Using your poem as an example:





People standing, walking,


Staring into space.


People carrying, eating,


Running a race.





I like your simplicity enabling the reader not to think too hard or much about the content, and I also like your observations, as it makes the reader visualise your poem.





Keep working on your poetry, and experimenting with different styles of writing.


Cheers!
Reply:like the add on the next guy did...lol. you mite consider it! hugz
Reply:People -- a nice rendition of life as a whole --- a little true a little sad --- but nice poem
Reply:its good but u should add some thing abt 1 girl living next door it will make it rocking.
Reply:It has a really really correct flow, almost to well read, a lot of repitition that you don't find that ovften in modern poetry, I am perplexed of this poem, really.
Reply:Reminds me of a book I read my son. Dinosaur fat. Dinosaur tiny. Dinosaur clean. Dinosaur slimey. If it's meant for 3 year olds, two thumbs up! If not? Snore.....
Reply:I like it... Reads more like a spoken word poem than one for reading...what form, structure and devices did you use? I mean, I haven't been in school for over twenty years; I don't remember the names for all that stuff; if you remind me, I might...then I'd be more able to make a more intelligent comment.
Reply:people write shitty poetry


people should stick to warcraft in their parent's basement
Reply:Well , you' ve got a lot of guts to leave yourself so open to criticism or ridicule from so many unknowns and strangers !


I think it' s very , very catchy !


Here comes the criticism ....


The original idea of yours is Great !


Since you made the 1st %26amp; 3rd verses rhyme , I was let down when reading your middle verse . Without a consistent rhyme , it threw off the whole rhythm .


It' s a simple fix . I still really like it !
Reply:uh...


is that your first poem?


No offence but... I think you may need a bit more practice.


It's not bad though. =)
Reply:hey thats kinda cool. i thought it was gonna be dumb, but i like it. sorry i got no advice really, i dont know much about it. i just write rhymes and in between them add a little of what im feeling. sometimes i come up with some cool stuff, sometimes not lol. but i dont know too much about structure or anything though. sorry, cool poem though homie.