Why don't people like self-harmers?

I'm so sick us making friends and meeting new people only to have them leave us and hate us and want nothing more to do with us coz they think we are trying to kill our self and **** just coz we self harm. If we wanted to kill our self we could think of much better ways than that to do it. Yes some people might cut to try and kill them self but i think thats rare and not everyone cuts only to kill them selfs. WE ARE NOT CRAZY, WE NOT MAD, AND WE ARE NOT TRYING TO KILL OUR SELF. Why can't people understand it. But wish other people didn't think all them bad things about self harmers. we are just people. Some people have a big drug / drink problem. Why are them things kinda ok. But cutting is a bigger problem for other people. We are just people we like most things other people do and if u where to meet us in the street you would never think we was a cutter. I'm not sorry for what i do. But i guess other people are and that makes me sad. Are self harmers really have this little respect?

Why don't people like self-harmers?
I think because it is alien to most people, self-harmer's are shunned like any other group of people that are not understood. Let's face it, to purposefully cut yourself is a hard thing to understand if no improvement in mental health or quality of life is made over a period of time.





Others may see self-harmer's as a drain on already over-stretched NHS funds. Seen often in A%26amp;E these people would no doubt often be seen as a waste of time and resources.





To some maybe the obvious statement would be: "Surely there are better ways to attract attention, like councelling etc."





Personally, I have no real opinion other than to be worried about the individual. I think over a period of time that worry of what may be would outweigh the friendship if only a passing friendship. I can understand why many would leave you be, even if I also see how upsetting that may be. It's a scarey thing to be part of an every day life.
Reply:It makes them feel vulnerable, and, because they "love you", they don't want to see us in pain. The ydon't realise that it's not our fault, and they are not to blame.
Reply:Hmmmm. Good question. Truthfully, when I stop and think about this, the part of your question that sticks out is "Are self harmers really have this little respect?" May I ask you a question? Is the person who harms him or herself showing respect for themselves? Certainly, if we harm someone else deliberately, it's seen as not showing them respect. So, it would stand to reason that you're not showing any respect to yourself when you self-harm. Extending that a bit, if you don't respect yourself, doesn't it stand to reason that others won't respect you?





If I know anyone who is self-harming, I'm not aware of it. I don't think I'd dislike them for that reason. Probably, I'd think they need some help coping with whatever is causing the harmful behavior. I will admit, however, that I wouldn't want my grandchildren to become close friends with someone who self-harms because I don't see it as a healthy behavior, and wouldn't want my grandchildren to go through the anguish of worrying about a friend who is causing themself harm.





I'm not sure how well this answers your question, but thought I'd offer my perspective. Good luck.
Reply:I've been in the same position, where you have friends or people you think are going to try and help you, but then find out that you self harm and then can't cope with it, and leave. I was actually asked by someone "why do you sabotage things when I'm trying to help".





Personally, I think that these friends set out with all the right intentions, but then find that they cannot understand why anyone would choose to harm themselves, they get upset, frightened and just don't know how to deal with it. So they walk away because they find it too hard to cope with.





At the time this happened I was angry, upset and frightened, I thought that if I told anyone else, then the same would happen. Luckily for me, not all my friends feel the same way, yes they may not like what I do, but they don't judge me, they realise that it is something I do to cope.





I realise that it isn't the greatest of coping strategies, but feel that if it works for me at the time, and is usually a way of distracting myself from doing something worse, ie not attemtpting suicide, then I'm not going to stop doing it.





The Mind website offers some good information that can offer help to people who self harm, but also to others who don't or can't understand:





Self Harm


http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Bookl...





Anyone wanting to try and understand, should read it.





Basically as with most mental illnesses, if not all, people do not understand because they are either afraid of it, or have no experience of it. They are the lucky ones.





Self harm is usually a way for the person to cope or deal with utter torment and inner turmoil and a way of getting some release from those thoughts. I don't see it as an attempt to commit suicide, but rather a way of avoiding it - but then I do self harm, others who don't or have never felt in such distress can have no way of knowing how that feels.





There are many different ways of self harming, and some are seen as much more socially acceptable, for instance, I actually started smoking again as a way of harming myself, but in a way that wouldn't be so noticeable to others.





People self harm for many different reasons, but on the whole they are not doing it for attention, in fact, just the opposite, they need to release pent up emotion, and it's a way of doing just that, without telling anyone. The problem lies in the fact that if we leave scars that are visible, then people can see them, and that is when they begin to fear what we are doing to ourselves.





I've become very inventive at ways of explaining away scars that I have, or I try to only have them in areas that can be easily hidden. I don't like to see what I've done to myself, so in that sense I can see why others find it so distressing. It's all about self esteem, confidence and self worth, I suppose. My scars make me feel guilty and ashamed, so I hide them from family and friends who I know will have no understanding. Yet in places where I know they will be seen for what they are, and recognised as my way of coping, then I leave them visible........... not quite sure that makes sense....





I'm not a teenager, or one of the 'majority' of self harmers, who are mainly young, and my self harm, specifically by cutting or not allowing wounds to heal is a fairly recent, 3 years or so, thing..... but I started it as a way of surviving, and I still view it as that.





I'm lucky in that health professionals I come into contact with have treated me with respect and have not judged me or my actions. I have a very understanding GP and Psyhchiatrist which certainly helps. The help of my local Mind association has also been a major source of support and understanding as well.





Talking to people who won't judge you, but will try and understand what drives you to take this action is a good thing to do, if you feel able to.





If your are in the UK then please try this link to see if you can find a Mind nearby:


http://www.mind.org.uk/Mind+in+your+area...





They are informal and very easy to access, you don't need to be referred and can just make a phone call.





I am now lucky enough to work for my local Mind, and can try and use my own experiences to help others. This helps me to make use of what is a horrible and deblitating illness, and offer some understanding to people who do self harm, or suffer from mental ill health.





I think there is a distinct lack of help and support aimed at self harm, and am considering trying to set up some kind of group for people in my area. Enquiries within the NHS and social services clearly shows that there isn't anything available nearby.





Stopping stigma and discrimination along with raising awareness is something that needs to be done, slowly people are becoming more knowledgeable, but there is so much more that needs doing!!!





Like you say, we are just ordinary people, who have to do extraordinary things to in order to survive - and I wish more people understood that.
Reply:I feel exactly the same as you.I've self hamred for years and i get treated with no respect.I think it's because they don't undertsand it.But if it was spoke about and advertised more i think people would learn more about it.It's ignorance as they dont know
Reply:It's something not widely spoken of. It's something different and opposite of others ideas of how one should be. For most people avoid pain at all costs. It scares people and most self-harmers are considered a danger not only to themselves but others. It's the whole "they do that to themselves, who knows what they'd do to others." ignorant, i know
Reply:you say you are not sorry for doing this but you are not happy with it otherwise you would not be asking this. i self harmed from the age of 13 for about 15 years. its like with depression people that havent been through it cant understand. why would anyone want to hurt themselves on purpose. it all about people being unsure how to deal with it. i hope you find it in yourself to stop as i now feel so much better for doing it. the scars are still there and yes sometimes the thought to do it again is still there but it nice not to have to hide big cuts. by the way i do not think your crazy
Reply:No-one wants to see us bleed. No-one wants to push us over the edge. No-one understands except the cutter. People get scared when they see someone self mutilating. It is a scarey thing to watch. You need to respect other peoples opinions as well as trying to stop cutting.
Reply:I'm a fellow self harmer and know how you feel. the thing that annoys me the most is when people think we do it for attention - that is totally, utterly WRONG! i hide my scars and cuts as much as possible - does that mean i want attention?! i do feel suicidal sometimes, but i cut to release my emotions and for self-punishment(i'm full of self hatred), not to kill myself - for one thing i actually hate the sight of blood(except in very tiny amounts), so i wouldn't be able to kill myself through slit wrists. i spose people don't like us coz they find it scary or intimidating, or think we do it for attention, or coz they think we are selfish. i think we are no worse than those with drink or drug problems, it's just our way of dealing with things. people don't give us a chance - all they see is a stereotype - they don't even get to know us first.
Reply:Drug and drink abuse are well known in society. Self harming is usually kept more secretive so isnt so widely recognised and accepted subject. I must agree though, it definately doesnt help the problem. However its mainly a case of knowing who your friends are. I cut myself and though my friends dont like it they accept it. Just make sure (as you probably already know) to be careful when cutting
Reply:Well I don't think people who self-harm are mad. I think some people maybe don't understand why people self-harm and they are scared and wary of things they don't understand. I know what you're getting at when you say that people who drink or take drugs aren't treated the same as people who self-harm, I think if you do anything to cause damage to your body, then this is a problem whichever way you choose to do it. I wish that issues concerning self-harm weren't so easily swept under the carpet, then maybe people who self-harm (and it's not only younger people of course) wouldn't find it so difficult to admit there is a problem and get the help they need. Is this ever discussed in schools for instance, so that people can discuss it openly as with drugs and alcohol? Don't think that most people don't respect you they probably just don't understand!
Reply:some people might not like self harmers as they might see it as a cowards way out and might never of beem in this situation. of you open up to them they might soon realise its not whats on the outside that counts. it could just be a phase and maybe the people rejecting might have been in the same situation or known someone else like it and dont like to be reminded and take it out those who need the help to overcome it. xx dani xx
Reply:i got not prob with self harmers. Some of my friends are. I'v eenen dabbled in it myself to relieve my anxiety.
Reply:Because so many people have many misconceptions about self harm. They see it as attention seeking, failed suicide attempts and the like. They don't realise that it is an outward expression of inner turmoil. I personally self-harm and see bleeding as a "release" of the emotional turmoil I'm feeling at the time. I never started out by saying, "i know I feel bad, I'll cut my arms to make me feel better". It started by accident, something happened and I realised that I felt better and taking care of the injuries helped "mask" the emotional pain. This sounds funny, but, when I get into such a state, I don't feel the physical pain involved.
Reply:just.....stop hurting yourself.


i used to cut myself and when i stopped i felt so much better
Reply:I think people who self harm our really those who are so fustrated with themselves in where they stand in society or that they happen to be overly sensitive people,with themselves and the people around them.I sometimes have hit myself in the head because I get mad at myself for doing thing that isolate me from others.Also people's self-esteem really rarely will go so low,people tend to be a lot more content with who they are ifr enough people accept them.Again,it boils down to self-esteem and/or acceptance by others or the lack thereof.Hope this helps U out.
Reply:I dont think it is that people dont like you. Its more that most people dont understand, dont know how to cope with it and they can be quite scared by it especially if they care for you so their defense mechanism is to remove themselves from the situation because it maybe too painful for them to standby and watch u hurt yourself. Alcohol and drugs has more media coverage and is seen on the streets more often so people have just become used to it, thats why I think you get a different reaction. Self harm is brushed under the carpet often but shouldnt be.


From somebody who knows. xxx
Reply:It's not a case of not liking you it's more a case of we just don't get you, we don't understand why you would want to inflict pain on yourself. It's like you know someone really well and that person's partner dies and suddenly you don't know what to say to them (a little of track there just trying to explain)
Reply:Hi





Generally people don't like or actively avoid what they do not understand. I think it is fair to say that it is the behavour they don't like and not the person. Society in general struggles to accept anything that falls outside the 'norm'; whatever normal is. I know this does not make it any easier for the self-harmer to integrate within society and social networks. I feel the answer lies in education and information. That way non-harmers can at least make an informed opinion about the difficulties and prejudices that self-harmers are up against.





Shellie x
Reply:You may not be trying to kill yourself, but you've got some underlying issues that need to be resolved.


Maybe people don't respect you because you obviously don't respect yourself.


Talk to a doctor - what could it hurt? You might find a less destructive way to deal with whatever is eating at you.


You're worth more than this - you don't need to do this to be happy! Your friends just want to see you healthy. They may not understand what's going on, but they're concerned.


Ever wonder why EVERYONE else around you thinks it's wrong? Maybe it is.


Just see a doctor, talking to them about why you like doing what you're doing can only help.


Good luck - if you were my friend, I'd help you any way I could but I'd make sure you saw a doctor.


Please, get help, it's for the best!
Reply:cutting oneself is a manifestation of weakness and very poor judgment. it is bred into people not to find those things attractive, in a mate or a friend. humans are often able to sniff out such unfavourable characteristics and usually will avoid them if at all possible. cutting yourself to deal with emotional pain is a mental defect. so you are not just like other people. you are different and shouldn't be surprised when treated differently. if you don't like being treated differently, then stop behaving so far outside the realm of what is considered normal. people don't leave you behind because they think you're trying to kill yourself. they leave you behind because they don't want to deal with your silly, childish issues, of which hurting yourself is only one. cutting yourself is tantamount to the two year old who holds his breath until he passes out when he doesn't get what he wants. most people simply don't want to deal with such mentally and behaviourally immature people.